Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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