meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
