it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
