What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
