Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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