I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
