I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
