i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
