you will always have a special place in my vag
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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