If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
