mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
