some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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