he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
