Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
