Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
