I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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