Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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