i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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