Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize