did you get engaged???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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