i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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