This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
