What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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