Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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