Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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