Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
