that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
