i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
