You made me cry and you don't even care
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He passed out mid-signature
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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