Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
