never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
