You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
