i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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