Im at strip club and am horny
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
