you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
