THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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