You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
