i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
