A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
