he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was like giving head to a cactus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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