what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
