My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
