Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
