i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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