Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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