he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
