so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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