my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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