I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
