I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
