I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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