Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I didn't shave. On purpose
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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