i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
