And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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