I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
