yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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