Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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