some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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