she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
