the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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