Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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