I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
