I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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