Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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