i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
