Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
