i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
