oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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