I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
