I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
