i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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