I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
