No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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