Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
