You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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